The relationship of a person with other people is an important factor in his socialization. In society, each person plays his own role and tries on certain “masks”. We depend on the opinions of others, and value their assessment of our behavior, their friendship and love. That is why, refusing someone’s request is so often a difficult task. Few can say “no” by justifying their position. Why there is a fear of refusing and how to deal with it, we will try to find out in this article.
How to learn to speak « no» surrounding
To begin with, do not confuse the concepts? responsiveness, kindness and reliability. Remember the main character of the film “In love of your own free will” – her dependability and lack of will interfered with building a personal life. The image of Mother Teresa haunted her until she fell in love and put her own interests before the interests of others. If your life also consists of other people’s problems, and your own desires are secondary, you should reconsider your attitude to the requests of others and be able to politely and tactfully refuse them.
To get rid of excessive softness, you should understand the true reasons that prevent you from saying a decisive “no”. Firstly, by our refusal, we are afraid of offending a person, which may result in his worst attitude towards us. Secondly, many people are brought up in such a way that refusal for them is a manifestation of impoliteness and rudeness. Thirdly, by saying “no” we risk losing the friendship or love of the person who was rejected.
How to learn to speak « no» surrounding
If you follow the desires of other people, this does not make you better and kinder. Such reliability has a lot of negative points:
you lose your personal opinion and the opportunity to live according to your own “script”. That is, you say “no” to yourself;
very often, the fear of refusing a request leads you to the fact that you often have to lie and invent fables in order not to fulfill this promise. That is, you have to live in lies and with guilt;
constant reliability will lead to the fact that in your environment there will be people who manipulate your actions and desires;
there is a threat to finally turn into a puppet, and living someone else’s life will become a pleasure.
In order to avoid all these unpleasant and unnecessary moments, you need to be able to say “no” to others.
Refuse your interlocutor honestly. This will save you from unnecessary lies and confusion in the “testimony”. Tell frankly why you cannot fulfill his request (no time, no money, you have other plans for this day, no mood, and so on).
How to learn to speak « no» surrounding
Be persistent in your refusal. It is quite possible that they will put pressure on you, calling for conscience and a sense of duty. Keep saying “no”, be consistent in your decision, stand to the end, no matter how hard it is for you. Most importantly, do not let yourself be dragged into a discussion, let the interlocutor understand that your decision is deliberate and final.
Do not make excuses to the interlocutor. Express your opinion and offer to find an alternative to his problem. Try together to decide how you can get out of the situation without your participation.
If it is difficult for you to refuse people you know, start training on service personnel in stores or catering places. For example, when you are offered to try a new dish or try on a thing from a new collection, refuse, no one will be offended by you, because this is their job.
Having your own voice, your opinion, you will earn the respect of others, become a person, and most importantly, you can devote all your free time to yourself and your loved ones.
